The Yale Free Press

And he smiled and thanked me, and we learned from each other
“But I don’t shun [the scabs]. I treat them as if they were the members of Locals 34 and 35. I did not hesitate last week to ask the guy cleaning my bathroom to take a look at the clogged shower drain.”
—Alissa Stollwerk, YDN, 09/05/2003

In fact, clothes stopped growing on people’s bodies as early as 1878
“Nakedness at Yale is not a new phenomenon.”
—Steve Abramowitz and William Sullivan, YDN, 09/12/03

Typical politician
“Healey had been trying to attend to his school work, but his Normative Ethics book sat uncracked on the bench beside him.”
—Charlotte Howard, The New Journal, November 2003

Really? In just six hours?
“So next time you’re bored, walk around town, find a weird street name, then go into Sterling Memorial Library and spend six hours looking for random sources – bonus points if they actually pertain to the street – and then you will not be bored.”
—Kevin Alexander, YDN Magazine, December 2003

And fat women have more rights
“The womb is a location in a woman’s body and, as such, is a space inhabited by a woman’s rights.”
—Sarah Goff, Yale Herald, 04/02/04

Because on the surface, it looks like Yalies don’t know English very well
“This spring, we urge the students admitted to the Class of 2008 must look beyond the surface to decide where to matriculate.”
—News’ View, YDN, 04/08/04 They’re getting a Yale meal plan?

“West Haven to pay for crap”
—‘Around Town,’ Yale Herald, 9.24.04 Isn’t it supposed to be 1 in 4? “But I would wager that the majority of Yale men, if taken to a dark room and guaranteed anonymity, could tell the difference between a tapered and flared leg, or, if pressed, a regular and distressed wash.”
—Claire Stanford, YDN, 9.24.04

Wuss “The infamous Yale Political Union (YPU) offers her little voice. The first meeting of the year makes it clear: blue jean liberals (in droves) sit on the left side of the auditorium, and suit—and—tie conservatives (all five of them) sit on the right. As the conservative parties at Yale give speeches, she tries to find one that embodies her views. The Conservatives offer only polkadotted bowties, the Tories offer only powdered wigs, and the Party of the Right offers a militant idealism she isn’t brave enough to palate. Judging by the hissing whenever a conservative speaks, she quickly realizes that any of these parties represent the fast route to social death.”
—Katherine Booth, Yale Herald, 9.24.04

They’re getting new staff?
“UHS opens doors to the healthconscious” —Sarah Mishkin, YDN, 10.08.04

Ignorance is bliss
“What do children in the Mississippi Delta know about Model UN conferences, about hatha yoga, organic farming, improvisational comedy or even Yale?”
—Chong—Hao Fu, YDN, 10.20.04

And you can’t spell manslaughter without laughter!
“You can’t spell ‘Hitler’ without ‘hit’”
—Headline, The Yale Herald, 04.01.05

It affects whether or not you pay for my clap, though
“The outcome of the national elections will affect the course of your life over the next four years more than any histrionic agonizing you can do now. It will not, however, affect whether or not you end up with the clap.”
—Haley Edwards, YDN, 10.22.04 Typical man

“Now that he knew I was dating a woman I was just another outcast who wanted a sex change…go figure.”
—Cassandra Harris, Revelasians, Fall 2004

Hey, too bad you were never Surgeon General – oh, wait
“I’m not so sure we have a health care system presently.”
—David Satcher, MD, Yale Journal of Law & Medicine, Fall 2004

It’s really more of a semi—permeable Membrane
“The line that the Asian Pacific American community must address is that of gender. Admittedly, this is a line that divides our community in half.”
—Sallie Kim & Shannon Stockdale, Revelasians, Fall 2004

Luck, be a lady tonight!
“The lucky finder of a body with a donor card is asked to telephone Yale’s ‘Anatomy Mortician.’”
—Adriane Quinlan, The New Journal, Nov. 2004

Since we Photoshopped ourselvesi in
“As GESO members, we are hip to the game and realize where we fit into this shifting picture of the academy.”
—Theresa Runstedtler, YDN, 01.13.05

Ignore that burning sensation
“The more prurient side of American culture exhorts us to pursue great sex at all costs.”
—Paige Rosetti, Sphere, Jan/Feb 2005

Female—female bondage, on the other hand…
“Current society continues to discourage female—female bonds and to instill in women a fear of failure to fit a standard of behavior that appeals to men.”
—Loren Krywanczyk, Sphere, Jan/ Feb 2005

Or just horny
“You may be bisexual at one time, and monosexual at another time and polysexual at another. I prefer to think of people as just sexual.”
—William Summers, YDN, 02.11.05

Interesting; my herpes likes poetry and long walks on the beach
“When I first met him, he seemed to be everything an STD is not: charming. Achingly sexy. Politically astute.”
—Sarah Stillman, YDN Magazine, Apr 2005

Back in the closet we go “The freaking liberals. Give Levin a break. I’m angered.” —Santiago Suarez, YDN, 02.25.05
“In Friday’s story ‘Students split on UOC sit—in,’ a quote from Santiago Suarez ‘07 was taken out of context from a private conversation he had reason to believe was off the record.” —Corrections, YDN, 02.28.05

Sorry, I wasn’t listening
“Today the press has little interest in what a university president has to say, unless the president’s views are highly controversial.”
—Pres. Richard Levin, YAM, Mar/ Apr 2005

The sound was muffled but Audible
“They harkened my eyes and turned my ears to hear their call. The warrior (a vaginal one) had heard the battle cry.”
—Elizabeth St. Victor, The New Journal, April 2005