The Yale Free Press

The Good: Columbia Fights Sober, German Message And Trojan Attack

Columbia has made a significant effort to combat troubles coming in under the covers. With a recent assault of spam enabled by the “Sober computer virus, the university’s AcIS (Academic Information Systems) officers have been working to fight and defend against e-mail-enabled viruses on Columbia’s computer system. Thankfully, Columbia is on the ball, and made sure that there was not a Sober computer on campus. For Columbia, the defense is complicated: the school employs the help of double agents – monitored subscriptions to known spamsending email and network accounts – and with some serious software called SpamAssassin that rejects any incoming email with a “spam rating” higher than 8 out of 20. The Assassin takes care of the number assignments by searching for keywords: among others, finding Viagra and Cialis offers make its day, and siphoning off all of the offers for itself help make sure that Columbia students experience nearly perfect blockage from Trojans. As proof of the effectiveness of Columbia’s ample defenses, university officers recently defeated a spam wave that was filled with topic lines about German politics within 24 hours. The Yale Free Press is not sure at this time whether the German politics emails involved Trojans of the virus variety or whether Columbia wishes to protect its student body from discussions about the legalization of prostitution in a country other than the Netherlands, which is reported to have close ties with the recreational departments of many North American universities. Clearly, if emails of the latter type got through, the already-existing Columbia Trojan prevention system would lead to high costs for Columbia’s health department shortly after spring break rolls around.

The Bad: $5 Million Computer To Figure Out The Universe

Physicists at Columbia, including renowned Associate Professor of Physics Robert Mawhinney and Ephraim Gildor Professor of Computational Theoretical Physics Norman Christ, have been working on a new $5 million supercomputer at the U.S. Department of Energy’s Brookhaven National Laboratory (BNL). These two professors, along with other Columbia researchers, plan to use the computer’s 10- trillion-calculations-per-second speed to study environments akin to those thought to be found immediately after the Big Bang. The machine, dubbed QCDOC, is capable of modeling a sustained period of collision of heavy ions, a feat impossible to recreate in real life even using BNL’s own Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC). The question is, why not just consult Douglas Adams and save the $5 million, five years of construction time, and long lists of acronyms? The Yale Free Press does not need Columbia’s “Big Bang in a Box” to know that the answer to the universe is 42.

The Ugly: Columbia Fails To Take Advantage Of Local Resources

In October, Columbia will be hosting the second ever National Endowment for the Arts Journalism Institute in Classical Music and Opera (no complete acronym has been announced, thankfully). The twelve-day program is intended to help develop criticism of the fine performance arts, specifically classical music, opera, theater, and dance. Concerning the program and its counterpart programs nationwide, NEA Chair Dana Giola argues that “The vitality of the arts depends more than most people think on lively and informed criticism, especially local reviews and coverage from their own communities.” It seems, however, that if local and communityoriented criticism is the objective, Columbia should have passed on inviting such well known music critics as Justin Davidson and Jeremy Eichler and simply held forays in its own local Harlem where visitors could experience the center of the old Harlem Renaissance and enjoy the Clinton vibe all at the same time. The university is clearly falling victim to the classic Ivory Tower bubble syndrome. Meanwhile, the Free Press journalists will continue attending rock concerts.