The Yale Free Press

If anything makes Yale unique among all other colleges and universities, it is our array of undergraduate organizations. Yale students find themselves running to and from meetings and stressing over the problems that plague their favorite organization as regularly as Harvard students find themselves studying during vacation.

True to our ambitious, ubërorganized, high school curriculumkicking selves, Yalies create new organizations all the time. Whether it be power hunger or genuine creative spirit that drives us, the world may never know, but whatever our reasons, Yalies currently boast over 300 student organizations in total, and that number is growing every day. The Political Union, with its constant splitting and merging of parties, currently has not one, but two parties on the left, and three parties to the right of center. We have a constantly fluctuating number of papers, magazines and journals— usually over twenty undergraduate publications. The Women’s Center has over a dozen separate subgroups. The Dwight Hall Social Justice Network is an umbrella network with multiple activist organizations. We have groups devoted to activities as specialized as writing poetry about fly fishing and as broad as feeding the poor.

But what all the other freshman-oriented literature you’ll be skimming (or chucking into that tall stack in the corner) forgot to mention is that having all these groups is not necessarily beneficial. In high school, if you were anything like us, you ran in and out of club meetings with all sorts of different personalities and never thought twice about it. But Yale groups form coherent, organization-centered networks of friends—in other words, cliques—and the social, competitive nature of these groups can often feel quite exclusive and, well, nasty. Don’t believe us? Try them for yourself. You have not seen backstabbing until you’ve survived the backroom deals and intrigues of an end-of-the-semester Political Union election. You have not seen tough until you see the way singing groups pick their a-cappella taps based on whether they liked your jokes during a one-hour lunch conversation. And you haven’t seen brutal until you’ve seen the digs swiped by editors of competing publications (We at The YFP, however, know the value of a purely positive campaign).

By now, you’ve probably picked up your share of mass email lists, pamphlets you’ll never read, and a stockpile of contact people in the recesses of your mind. Yet you probably are unsure what you’ll end up doing. Not to worry.

Very little distinguishes the Freshman Bazaar from a Friday night party. There will be people screaming seemingly random, somewhat amusing utterances. There will be people trying to impress with alcohol—either drinking a lot of it or offering it to you. And each participant has just one thing on his mind: self-preservation through reproduction. Just like a party, some will be subtler than others about wanting and needing you. Some will have good pick-up lines, and some will be clever. No matter the means, their goal is one universal, eight-letter word: recruit. Every serious member of every Yale organization wants you to join their ranks. They’re trying hard. As silly and obvious as they get, you might as well check out what they are offering.

But remember, freshmen are the most vulnerable to these groups’ entreaties. It is not unheard of for a dying group to recruit a freshman fall semester, appoint him to a nicesounding position and abandon the group to him come spring. The following brief guide provides some armament against such ploys. We may be biased, but at least we’re honest. If you want to know what the campus thinks of us, hand this paper to a member of the Undergraduate Organizing Committee and ask them to read it over.

Then duck.

POLITICAL GROUPS

 College Democrats & College Republicans

Both groups will flood your inbox with e-mails detailing opportunities for political involvement early on in the semester, but the only thing they are likely to actually coordinate is getting people to work the polls. Regardless, they are flooded with many conscientious objectors to the YPU who would rather not take themselves “too seriously”—a goal they clearly fulfill. Active mostly in election years, they can be expected to emerge from the woodwork this fall with a surge of advocacy.

College Libertarians

The College Libertarians are a group of students interested in decreasing the size of the government at all levels. The group holds discussions on libertarian solutions to common governing issues, invites guest speakers, and organizes events to increase campus awareness of libertarianism. This is where you will find students who believe that the government has grown too large and is stifling the free market, making them the few reasoned political aficionados in the campus political spectrum.

The Yale Political Union

Once considered the greatest political debate forum for college students in the nation, the YPU was founded in 1934 to provide students with a formal means by which to debate the most pressing political issues, the YPU has weekly debates with a prominent guest speaker who argues in favor of a pre-set resolution followed by a series of student speeches on that same topic. There are six political parties within the Union: from left to right, they are the Liberal Party, the Progressive Party, the Independent Party, the Conservative Party, the Tory Party, and the Party of the Right. Each has its own weekly debates with a unique debating style.

The YPU is infamous on campus for hosting some of the most scheming future elected officials in the country, who often hide their true colors until the highly competitive elections at the end of each term. But if you can stay out of the fray, the PU can be an extremely rewarding debating forum where you can learn about a variety of political and social issues, sharpen your own beliefs, and maybe even change a few minds. Here are the six different parties, listed from left to right, along with an attempt to explain their peculiarities.

The Liberal Party

When you and four other members of the Libs talking sedately over espresso at Koffee Too? is the most intense debating you’ll do all year, something is sadly amiss in the leftmost party of the Yale Political Union. Wary of hosting “debates,” the Libs opt instead for friendly “discussions” at which members mainly smile and nod. Dissent and intellectual probing are rare commodities, but The YFP has hope that this year’s leadership may signal change. Take it for a whirl. Perhaps you could be the one to finally find a way to keep the Libs from marching out the door of every PU caucus before student debate even gets started. But be warned: it will be an uphill battle.

The Progressive Party

Loud makes right among the Progs, where nothing is taken seriously except the drinking. As a rule of thumb, the louder a Prog is, the more indisputable his claims or beliefs (as sarcastic as they might be). If interested, expect a potentially inebriated Prog to enter your room without knocking and follow you into the bathroom while talking about how cool his dog is, despite your best efforts to nudge him away and let you take your shower. Progs seem powerless against the forces of inertia, as you can expect repeated incidents of this scenario until you act upon the culprit with due force.

The Independent Party

The most politically-correct party in the Union, the Independent Party spans the political spectrum from center-left all the way to center-right and claims to hear all sides. A cofounder of the Political Union, the Independent Party eschews definition, since that would be exclusionary. Their debates are markedly casual and confer a nonchalant but fraternal atmosphere upon the organization. There are certainly worse ways to spend one’s time, though The YFP submits that not all quests for meaning can be resolved by 10 p.m.

The Tory Party

Founded in 1971 by traditionalists who felt that the Party of the Right was insufficiently reactionary, the Tory Party has a strict litmus test for membership. They permit a narrow range of specific conservative types, unless you have a British accent. Consequently, the Tories boast the least ideological diversity of any YPU party, with predictable results for the tenor of their debates. A five-member party as of our latest calculation, the Tories also claim the distinction of maintaining virtually no presence at the Political Union meetings.

The Conservative Party

The nation’s third largest importer of tweed, the CP was formed in 1996 by a medical student for reasons so sophisticated that they evolve on a yearly basis. The CP has the most academic orientation of the Political Union’s six parties, giving its debates the feeling of section in suits. Intellectual history is generally preferred to personal philosophy; one gets the impression that their members are kept awake at night less by burning moral questions and more by that darned page number of Mill’s Utilitarianism they can’t recall.

The Party of the Right

Party of the Right folks respect tradition, authority, and strong drink. They wear suits and are more than a little quirky. Undoubtedly, they foster the most rigorous and challenging debating environment at the PU and perhaps at Yale. PoR folk talk a lot of philosophy, but name-dropping tends to be a bit more rare than it is among some of the other parties. A high concentration of idealists in this party insist that ideas have consequences and, for better or worse, try to make them personal.

ACTIVISTS

Committee for Freedom

Mayhem in defense of liberty is no vice. CFF proves that protests and direct action are not solely the toolbox of the Left. Whether being threatened with arrest for protesting Yale’s friendship with Communist China or dressing up as the Sexual Harrassment Panda to protestYale’s sexual harassment policy, the CFF is where it’s at for Yalies who find liberal orthodoxies more migraineinducing than liberating.

Dwight Hall Social Justice Network

The Social Justice Network purports to fund student opinion groups of all leanings. Though they do some good volunteer work, the SJN also supports almost every bleeding-heart cause on campus.

LGBT Co-Op

The only campus group with workshops on S&M. The LBGT also institutes “Weeks at Yale” to explore “Trans,” “Sex,” and “Queer Pride.” They run workshops on “PoMo [Post Modern] Sexuality” and the use of pleasure devices, as well as a few rather popular dances every fall.

Undergraduate Organizing Committee

This group of supporters for Yale’s labor unions peaked in the past few years as negotiations between Yale and its workers boiled over. Now that labor contracts have been settled for a long, long time, we await the emergence of creative UOC causes.

Yale College Council

The YCC has a long tradition of irrelevance, but lately have had some promising accomplishments. Just three years ago, they revolutionalized the way Yale students swipe in for meals at dining halls, and last year they established wireless Internet on Old Campus. This does not stop the YCC from passing resolutions regarding global justice, though we do have to give them credit for the yearly Spring Fling, which trashes old campus every spring like clockwork.

CULTURAL GRAB BAG

Asian-American Students Association

One of Yale’s more radical ethnic advocacy groups, AASA also represents a network of suborganizations such as the Korean American Students at Yale. Members challenge the stereotype of the passive Asian by yelling a lot and bemoaning the plight of Yale’s second most overrepresented minority (after Jews).

African-American House

Comprised of most attendees of Cultural Connections (up until that program thankfully integrated its ranks last year), the Af-Am House is fairly self-segregating if you make a habit of being there. Benefits include instant connections to all the other black organizations at Yale. As one YFP staffer put it, “To be perfectly honest, I still don’t know what the Justice League is ... but, hey, it’s nice being affiliated with it. I think.” Despite the food and dance, the $25 membership fee is pretty steep if you only show up for the basketball games and fried chicken.

Freestyle Dueling Association

Quirky swashbuckling abounds in the FDA (no, not the one with food and government, the one with the Renaissance), which puts on a showing in the fall and stages performances in Beinecke plaza, trying out their weapons and skills. If you are serious or just inquisitive about what they do, try them out—it probably won’t hurt, although the ir swords might.

POP

Misunderstood midwesterners, your comeuppance has finally arrived! Loyal to the culture of the Heart of America, this exclusive (read: tiny) group formed just this past year. Members kick back over beer to discuss the “good ole” days of their youth, plan hoedowns and country fairs, and grill it up on Old Campus.

PUBLICATIONS

The Hippolytic

This new leftist magazine declares that journalism at Yale shouldn’t be left to the “walrus-people of the Political Union.” The Yale Free Press could not agree more, though we hasten to note that laissez-faire hunting laws have mostly solved the YFP’s walrus-person problems. Time has yet to tell whether or not the Hippolytic will mess with the best and die like the rest, but we sincerely hope that the Hippolytic will be as worthy a foe as its initial issue last April promised. We appreciate the competition.

Light & Truth

Slick conservative journal; not too interested in talking to the Great Unwashed. L&T thinks words like “Yalensian” make you sound welleducated, but we’ll let you be the judge. From the Light & Truth Fall 2003 Survival Guide: “The manager and owner of the shop [DelMonico Hatter], Mr. Joe DelMonico, has run the Hatter for the past 69 years. He can recall days such as Derby Day, when students would purchase 150 to 200 dozen hard straw hats.” From The Yale Free Press October 2001 issue: “Speaking of absence, Light & Truth extolled the long-time proprietor of DelMonico’s Hatters, Joe Delmonico, speaking of him in the present tense. Sadly, Joe passed away earlier this year…” That’s right, folks, they still haven’t changed it.

The New Journal

A good place to try your hand at story-telling journalism. The writing experience you get is pretty hard-core since TNJ goes through three rounds of editing for every article and assigns personal editors to every piece. Word of warning: the YFP often finds itself in disagreement with TNJ leaders’ views or interests, but then, they’re not our only nemeses.

The Yale Daily News

Yale’s oldest publication (and the oldest college daily in America), the Daily has its own castle on York Street. Though centrist for Yale standards, the YDN has been decidedly leftist for the past couple of years. The YDN lives up to its name: it’s daily and it’s news. But if you’re looking for entertaining or insightful writing, look elsewhere. Read it for campus issues of the day and sports scores. It is current, if not accurate. Writing for the Daily is another matter. The YDN is infamous for bitter elections and dirty politics.

The Yale Free Press

The YFP is the publication of Yale’s small group of alienated conservatives. We cover all the bases of conservatism: country club Republicans (“All’s well with me and my BMW, all’s well with the world”), religious fundamentalists (“I possess the truth. I shall enlighten the world by any means necessary!”), amoral libertarians (“Hey, the market works. Just sit back, light up a joint, and let it flow”), and even lifetime Democrats (“I was liberal in high school, but then I went to a meeting where they wanted me to talk about my oppression as a dining hall worker and I just could not take it anymore”) This variety makes the YFP a lively publication. We are united by a common disgust with Yale’s dominant, knee-jerk liberalism. When YFP street preachers took to the Web, we also became the only campus publication with a web log. Come ask us, virtually or in person, about our ties to the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy.

The Yale Herald

The Herald actually verifies quotes and manages to be funkier and more politically balanced news than the YDN, but it only comes out once a week. That doesn’t stop it from regularly scooping the Daily.

The Yale Lit

Requires little commitment for the majority of the semester up until selection week, when you can expect to sacrfice your nights to be owned by the literary muses for hours on end. If you’re looking for a literary community, however, this is a good place to start.

PHILOSOPHY AND COMMUNITY

OSGAY Disappointingly, they’re not homosexual munchkins. Rather, the Objectivist Study Group at Yale is a weekly discussion group that explores and evaluates Objectivist philosophy as presented by Ayn Rand. It is a valuable way for students interested in philosophy to meet each other. A strong knowledge of or belief in Objectivism is not required; members often have neither. Above all, it is a place for students to think out their own ideas and opinions.

TIES

An expanding program that aims to provide assistance to neighboring elementary schools. They tutor kids who usually come from broken families and are facing difficult conflicts. This is a rather decentralized program where tutors try to strike an appropriate balance between teaching and mentoring. Meeting fellow Yalies may occur incidentally, but is by no means a key aspect of the group.

Yale Christian Fellowship

Love God, love neighbor. This chapter of InterVarsity is convinced that both require an intentional community. If you’re looking for sporadic applepicking excursions, profound relationships, weird videos, or a shirt featuring the Mystery Machine, join them for weekly Bible studies and large group meetings.

SPORTS

Intramurals

Didn’t make varsity? Not even club sports? Never fear. Intramurals are open to everyone. Even though you probably spent your entire high school career not knowing that you’re supposed to knock down all the pins in bowling, not avoid them, you can still learn in this friendly environment. And hey, if your college has a really bad team, you can soon become a sports legend. Either way, you’ll have some good teammates and be able to make fun of everyone else.

Yale Precision Marching Band

You’ve heard of their eccentric half time shows where giant dragons devour John Harvard. With a penchant for ubiquitous pop hits rather than dusty old standby tunes, The YPMB has something for everyone with musical inclinations, from sax to snare to kazoo, and harbors an entire section (the Squids) devoted to dancing and blowing stuff up. If you feel that all that drilling and rehearsal just gets in the way of the music, the Band is a good bet.